8 minutes ago
The month and a half has been a very trying time in my life and I want to share it—I need to release it so I can let the last of it go. The majority of my previously very stable life here in Rio feels like it has been uprooted and everything is so different—it’s grossly out of whack.
So… I am pretty sure I am unemployed right now, but to be honest, I don’t actually know, the whole situation is just so uncomfortable… I am financially independent and Rio is such an expensive city, the uncertainty of where my next paycheck will come from is really weighing on me right now. I’ve feeling so bummed about it and I have also been sick, largely because I’ve been extremely nervous and paranoid recently, and it’s taking its toll on my body. I was assaulted walking to a friend’s house last weekend, just out of the blue, I never saw it coming, but yet again, this is Rio. It was terrifying and infuriating at the same time, I still think about it all the time and it makes me so angry—I feel so violated. I feel like it took away the small sense of security that I had here and it’s such bullshit, it’s so NOT OKAY. Everything freaks me out now, a person walking behind me, a car horn, any unexpected sounds, people approaching me and asking me for directions, even the other people in the grocery store who are just shopping. I get frustrated because I blame myself too, I could have been smarter… I could have left my phone at home… I could have taken a cab right to her door—then maybe it wouldn’t have happened. But then I think to myself, “Alli, STOP. Yes, being cautious is wise, but you weren’t being stupid or reckless --you have to live your life and that’s what you were doing.” But even if I was being dumb… NOTHING makes this okay or justifiable on their end— no matter the circumstances, their actions were detestable. I wish I could find them, the two people who did it and (CONTINUED IN COMMENTS!!! ⬇️)